Feature / Music
Scene Point Blank's Favorites: The Year So Far (August 2006)

Posted pre-2010

Top 5 Worst Things About 2006

by Giles

5. Panic! At the Disco's problems with grammar

See, this is what happens when you spend your final year of high school dicking around with a synthesizer instead of paying attention in English class. You end up sticking an exclamation mark in the middle of your name because you think it looks cool. And you reference Pahlaniuk because he's wayyy edgy. And you forget necessary commas in your song titles because, presumably, you're a fucking moron.

4. Panic! At the Disco's music videos

When I'm enjoying the MuchMusic countdown, the last thing I want is to be interrupted by a clown wedding. Somehow, P!ATD's videos manage to be as obnoxiously retarded as the songs themselves. That's saying something. And that one part where the whorish bride makes out with a clown and gets makeup all over her face? That's gross, man. It's gross.

3. Panic! At the Disco's lead singer

This kid is probably responsible for everything else on this list. So we can practically deduce that he's an ignorant, pretentious, untalented jerk who's at the helm of an "emo" revolution. Not unlike Hitler. Just look at him, with his perfect hair, and his smirk that says, "I'm younger than you, I'm rich as hell, and I'm getting away with this." Seriously, there is no god.

2. Panic! At the Disco's popularity

I do my best to never judge someone based on the bands they like. Before this year, this seemed like a pretty good policy. But no-one could possibly be expected to maintain any level of respect a P!ATD fan. Are these kids high? Is fake sexuality that appealing? Does this band's nonsense lyricism sound good if you're fifteen? The answer to all of these questions is "apparently". Worst of all, these impressionable young cokeheads are going to rule the earth someday. That's a genuine, keep-you-up-at-night problem.

1. Panic! At the Disco's music

No, I didn't forget. As of right now, I have listened to 12 of the 13 tracks on this album. And in order for the entire mess to be redeemed, "Intermission" had better be one hell of a song. If you haven't heard the band, you can sort of imagine what they sound like. Pete Wentz worship from Las Vegas. But with even less sincerity. And with even more bullshit sloganeering. Typically, each track consists of a foundation of bad pop-punk, with a layer of bad new-wave production, topped off with wordy, repetitive lyrics. The best example of this is actually the band's first single, in which the chorus of "I'd chime in with a 'Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?' No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality..." basically makes up the entire three minute song. Yeah. I'm no scientist, but I'm pretty sure that's terrible.

— words by the SPB team

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